Friday, January 16, 2015


Monstrous Compendium Forgotten Realms Appendix II (TSR, 1991)
A Fun Interpretation Based on the Text

Imagine a squiggly tentacled brain covered in iridescent black oil (giving it a rainbow-colored sheen), with several gold colored eyes, a big unforgiving jaw line, and two large tentacles making the Feyr bipedal.  This, ladies and gentlemen, is what most adventurers call the Feyr.  Now imagine walking down a dark street; You begin to hear foot steps behind you, what do you do? (I'd turn around and probably yell "I don't have any f***ing change, so leave me alone!" because I'm versed with the city) You might turn and run, letting that freaky creature's scary innuendo ruin your new shoes.  

If you tend to be the early bird kind of person, however, you will most likely never meet one of these rare creatures because sunlight will straight up murder them.  The sun is like an assassin to the Feyr like in this scenario: A Feyr sees a humanoid he used to haunt and decides to run out and scare him again for old times sake. BAM! That Feyr is dead because the sun was outside his door, waiting for him.

The Feyr feast on terror and fear, we all know this, but did you know that they are actually quite clever and witty? They are very much like the George Takei of the Monster world; and I do not say this because of their rainbow-like complexion. Have you ever worked 3rd shift?  It is demoralizing, exhausting and can be an extremely lonely time which gives the Feyr plenty of time to become 
one of the quirkiest graveyard shift workers out there today.  If you happen to come across one, it will probably succeed in punking you and then eat your fear, but if you make your saving throw; try and tell it a hilarious joke, your life and it's will become much more interesting and copacetic , I'm sure.

The common Feyr are born in big cities that are full of turmoil and tension, and the more populated and oppressed the city, the more Feyr will be out and about brain fuggling the night life crowd. Every once in awhile several Feyr will start hanging out, joking about their most delicious meals and how hilarious he/she looked when they boogie-boo'ed so frighteningly. Eventually the small group of Feyr begin to get this strange urge; FOR A ROAD TRIP!  When several Feyr coalesce (looking like an angry mob of octopus brains attacking one another) they become this super creature called a Great Feyr.  Fusing together in this way is not a common practice and it is considered within the Feyr community as totally scandalous.  But hey, this group of Feyr were leaving anyways, so why all the fuss?  

Great Feyr are desolate and dastardly, much like bored and under-stimulated housewives.  They roam around the countryside, usually towards an exceptionally emotional place like; battle fields, burned villages, or destitute labor force camps looking for their next fateful meal.  The whole world is their overly dramatic playground, in which they manipulate poor unsuspecting humanoids into playing out sick, demented, and horrifying scenarios that create an emotional smorgasbord for the Great Feyr. These monstrosities are usually invisible, immune to sunlight, and cause unimaginable negative feelings to any nearby population.  Stay away from these toxic, unforgiving creatures.  They are jerks.

In short; the Feyr aren't so bad if you can past the initial "I want to eat your terror" thing and if you happen to be herding around outside your big city with a bunch of limey nay-sayers; whistle while you work, in hopes to ward off big ol' meany pants Great Feyrs.  Thank you, Good bye!

1 comment: